Beware of “mare prejudice!” Don’t let it prevent you from enjoying something wonderful. At eight years old, my first ride was on a Shetland mare. Sixty years later, I had owned several different mares of different breeds and I definitely wasn’t prejudiced against having another one.
Then my husband bought Lady at a sale simply because this black Tennessee Walker snuggled her head into his arms. In spite of her affectionate ways, he rode her only once. He doesn’t do well with a demanding, headstrong “Alpha” type. That didn’t bother me, so I rode Lady several times before agreeing that she wouldn’t be a good trail horse for my husband.
We traded her for a gelding that ate half the wood in his stall and raked his teeth across my cheek to tell me what he thought of me! Geldings aren’t perfect either. But I’ve never heard anyone blame a gelding’s bad behavior on his gender! Every horse is an individual and it doesn’t work to put horses in stereotypes of male or female. After two weeks, we took the gelding back and brought Lady home—and she’s been mine ever since.
With any horse, the two most important things are temperament/personality and training. When something goes wrong, don’t blame it on gender without looking at one of those two issues first.
I can’t change Lady’s nature as an alpha mare, but that’s a big piece of what makes her exceptional. Her problems are connected but extend beyond that label. You’d think an alpha mare would be brave and confident. Apparently this Lady was never desensitized to large trucks, machines and farm equipment like the ones that travel the road past our stable. Adding to the problem, Lady thinks fast, acts fast and can spin very fast. Getting the picture?
During my first time riding her on that road by our stable, a big dump truck passed us. After she spun with me, I should have been grateful I was still in the saddle and just chalked it up to one more experience. Instead, I went through several tormented years of dealing with an inner terror. I had to get past that before I could again become Lady’s confident leader. It wasn’t easy. Lady has been an intimidating challenge at times, and the journey to our new relationship and my re-found courage has been a deeply personal education. I couldn’t have reached where I am today without her. Helping my mare learn to use her thinking brain more than her reactive side has been a major accomplishment!
We need to understand that mares have an important, instinctive role in the natural herd. They are the mothers and teachers and guardians and care takers. They are the enforcers of the herd’s social etiquette. Mares can be sweet, loyal and protective. Or they can be moody, bossy, fussy, or cantankerous! And their moods may vary from day to day—ladies, does that sound familiar? Aside from individual personalities, the difference often comes from the way they are handled and trained. Mares need strong foundational training to overcome their emotional makeup. They also need to be handled with patient understanding.
My early struggles with Lady’s alpha but fearful nature led me on a quest for help. Finding nothing in books, I searched for stories from mare owners around the country. Reading those stories gave me a deeper understanding of equine feminine qualities. They are so much like us women! Geldings are steady, when properly trained, and perhaps “easier” than mares, depending on their personalities. But with only one exception, I’ve loved my mares more than my geldings. Mares try harder, in my opinion, and I think they actually care more about their human. If you enjoy the companionship, the loyalty, and the special bond of being with a horse, mares are more fun. Win the heart of a mare, and you will find a special treasure in your hands.
Lady has taught me the basics about working with mares. With my geldings, I open the trailer door and say, go in. They go in. Lady takes a little more coaxing plus patient and firm persistence. When trying to load her for a horse show one rainy morning, things just went from the usual scene to worse. She started in, then looked sideways at me and backed off. I took a deep breath. Tried again. My husband reached out to help coax her in, but a few sprinkles made the ramp slippery and he fell. After several more attempts, I lost my patience, decided to stay home, popped Lady on the rump out of deep frustration and put her back into her stall. She pouted for two weeks. My usually affectionate mare actually gave me a cold shoulder. Fellow boarders mentioned to me that she was acting different. I saw it. I felt it. I apologized and tried to make up with her. I finally bribed her with treats and promised I would be more respectful of her.
Within each mare is the heart of a woman. Treat her accordingly, for best results.
