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Photo of Ivory Pal by Cheri Prill Tennessee Walking Horse Issue August 2010
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When fear gets lodged within us, we cannot be a horse’s confident leader. I know from experience. Ever since Lady spun with me six years ago, that fearful memory got stuck in my head like a menacing image refusing to fade. I even wondered if I would qualify for post traumatic stress disorder!
I remembered the thrill of competitive trail riding, Fanny and I going 30 miles in about four hours, racing together over varied, beautiful terrain. Seems like another lifetime, and it was—thirty years ago when I was a lot younger! Fanny was strong minded like Lady, and her energy was even more intimidating, but I rode anyway. And now I was terrified to walk a horse down a one mile road?
I had ridden Lady for eight months before that day she spun when a big truck passed. We had worked through several discussions as to who was in charge and I felt confident it was me. But afterward, I chose to ride her only in the arena, avoiding the road. After witnessing Lady’s actions with our gelding one day, I kept her separate from other horses, fearful she might deliver a fatal kick. And even though I knew better, I often tossed her another bite of hay to keep her from pawing in her stall. Do you see what happened? Because of my fears, I allowed Lady to take charge. And now I had to answer the question: do I own Lady or does she own me?
Yes, I’ve written about this issue before, but I learned something new this year during a Horse Fair seminar on Riding through Fear, by Jeanne Lambrecht, PhD. I thought all along I was taking steps to overcome my fear, but some of those steps only let me avoid the thing I feared. Avoidance, she told us, actually increases fear. By having someone else ride Lady on the road, it let me see that someone else could control her when a truck passed by, and it helped Lady as well, but I wasn’t doing it myself. For too long, I used someone else’s courage to avoid rebuilding my own.
This insight has taught me a life principle. We have situations with others too, when we learn to get along by avoiding conflict. But avoidance doesn’t solve the problem. It merely postpones the inevitable. Fear itself is not bad; it can be a helpful warning! But if we habitually avoid those things we fear (whether dealing with a horse or a person who is difficult or different), we avoid the opportunity to grow. Resolving any situation often requires a plan, as well as the help of a friend or counselor (or riding instructor).
I can’t stop getting older and more cautious, so I extend my comfort zone within safe boundaries. Sometimes I’ve had to push myself to go out the driveway and down the road to the first mailbox! Using a “Spookless CD” last summer helped more than anything else to build my confidence, and I intend to work with that again. I also try to expose Lady to big tractors and trucks at a safe distance whenever possible. When my husband gave his mare away several months ago, I moved Lady to Ginger’s old stall, further down the line. Now when she paws, it’s easier to ignore her. I’ve also begun putting Rocky and Lady together in the paddock. I am determined to take ownership of this headstrong mare and rebuild my courage to ride her outside the arena!
Photo Credit: Linda Snyder of Picture Perfect Photography in Bunker Hill, IL.
